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The Church of Baseball


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I believe in the church of baseball. I've tried all the major religions and most of the minor ones. I've worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Shiva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan. I know things. For instance, there's 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there's 108 stitches in a baseball. When I learn that, I give Jesus a chance. But it just didn't work out between us. The Lord laid too much guilt on me. I prefer metaphysics to theology. Y'see, there's no guilt in baseball, and it's never boring. Which makes it like sex.

There's never been a ballplayer slept with me who didn't have the best year of his career. Making love is like hitting a baseball. You just gotta relax and concentrate. Besides, I'd never sleep with a player hitting under .250. Not unless he had a lot of RBIs and was a great glove man up the middle.

Y'see, there's a certain amount of life wisdom I give these boys. I can expand their minds. Sometimes when I get a ballplayer alone, I'll just read Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman to him. And the guys are so sweet, they always stay and listen. Of course, the guy'll listen to anything if he thinks it's foreplay. I make them feel confident, and they make me feel safe--and pretty. 'Course what I give them lasts the lifetime. What they give me lasts all 142 games.

Sometimes it seems like a bad trade. But bad trades are part of baseball. Who can forget Frank Robinson for Milt Pappas, for God's sake! It's a long season, and you gotta trust them. I've tried them all, I really have. And, the only church that feeds the soul, day in, day out, is the church of baseball.

from the movie "Bull Durham "
written by Ron Shelton

Baseball is religion without the mischief.
- Thomas Boswell

Baseball is like church. Many attend but few understand.
-Wes Westrum

You should enter a ballpark the way you enter a church.
- Bill Lee


>>>Who would have guessed that Fox Mulder would sum up my own religious feelings!!<<<
God is a Spectator, He just reads the boxscore.
- Fox Mulder

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Spiritual Advice

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